Pranking A Prankster
by DarkestWolfx
Summary: He'd just about had it with all the tricks, but this one topped it off. Spoilers for 'The Man from TB5' (11/11/17).


Just something else for our terrible two… or trio? Just a short piece of probably pointless comedy.

* * *

 _Really_? Was it really _this_ impossible to get _anything_ done?

Well if this was what John dealt with every day, he could see why some pieces of information were slow to gain, but of course, John didn't deal with this every day.

EOS was nice to him every day. It was like they'd seen so far really; the spaceman was definitely the AI's parent.

"Do you think she's treating us like brothers?"

"Sorry?"

He was _very_ confused. This wasn't really what he would call _brotherly_.

"Well, like when we were younger. The older brothers always trick the younger." He raised a brow at that comment. Virgil had always teased them playfully, yes, but John and Scott virtually never. Oh no, the prankster of this family wasn't the elder. Alan seemed to pick up on that quickly. "Um... Well, usually."

"Besides, we wouldn't be her brother's, would we?"

"What?"

"If John's like her dad, we'd be her uncles."

Alan made a very funny, sour looking face, all screwed up, "I... Prefer the brother image. You make us sound old."

That he supposed was true. If anyone in this family was old, it definitely wasn't either of the blonds. He used to think it was Scott, but looking at John and EOS's parental relationship, he was beginning to think John had to win the cap.

Still, he they were, looking after Thunderbird Five. He might as well give it his best shot. At least now they'd actually made it inside.

He cleared his throat and made his tone loud and clear, so he couldn't be misunderstood (and hopefully not insulted).

"EOS, please display status on any and all emergency broadcasts."

"There are none."

"Sorry?"

"There. Are. None."

Beside him, Alan chuckled. He turned eyes of daggers at him and the youngest Tracy promptly shut up.

"Don't encourage her!" He chided. "Or have you forgotten _she_ wouldn't let us in?"

"Have you forgotten that _she_ can hear despite being an AI with no physical representation of ears?"

He saw Alan's shoulders shake and immediately whacked his arm before _that_ could start up again. He'd never hear the end of it if Alan moved to the dark side.

"Well, if there's nothing happening… I'll come back for you later, Gordon."

"Don't' you dare!" He dived in, grabbing onto the fabric of Alan's suit. "I am not staying alone with the evil program."

"That technically insults my programmer." He felt his shoulders sag. _Really?_ Did this day have no end? John would _kill_ him if anything was out of place when he returned or if he missed anything. Please forbid any of that from happening! Please, please, please! He wanted to be able to swim still at the end of all this – in a pool, not the vacuum of space, ideally.

"Well, if nothing's going on, could we have something to eat?"

"Sorry?"

"Kind of you to apologise."

Oh… He was getting sick of hearing her voice.

"I didn't mean… Oh, stuff it!"

"Stuff what?"

"I think Gordon just wants whatever John would have for a snack if he was here." Thank you, Alan, thank you for being on the side of humanity.

"Oh…" He watched momentarily as EOS' little lights flickered around, "Food."

"Yes, food!" Alan exclaimed, suddenly seeming a lot brighter about staying. EOS on the other hand, fell perfectly silent.

He sighed, a long and harsh drag.

"EOS…"

"Yes?" She answered shiftily, as though she'd been expecting it… _hmm, I wonder._

"Food." He stated, hoping it would jog her clearly _poor_ memory. He'd have to have a word with John out of care from the bottom of his heart for the AI.

"What about it?"

"Can we have some?"

There was a beat. A moment where he built some hope up. "No, you can't."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Not working."

He frowned, sharing another look with his blonde brother. He had to think about the day getting worse didn't he? _Damn, Gordon you just had to._

"Does that mean we'll starve?" Alan muttered, his face telling everything. He was definitely thinking about running back to Thunderbird Three if he was given the chance and no way in space hell was he going to allow _that_ to happen. He'd be stuffed if he was forced to stay here alone. At least Alan had been up here before.

Well, if food wasn't an option… what else did you do up here?

"EOS, what else does John do?"

"In quiet times, John likes to just float and gaze."

"I don't want to float."

"Do you not like swimming."

He stiffened his jaw. It wasn't fair that John seemed to have told his AI more about _him_ than he knew about said _AI._

"In water."

"Oh. I don't have any of that I'm afraid." He tried not to think of the connotation that could hold for drinking water and just move on.

 _Gazing,_ he thought, _I can do that._

He took a glance down through the gravity ring and instantly looked back up.

"Gordon?" Not good timing Alan, really.

"Are you alright?" Oh, EOS actually cared. How kind of her to be worried about his health.

"Just a little…"

"Space sick?"

He nodded. He probably should be worried that EOS had turned suddenly nice.

"Please refrain from being sick. I will have to open the air lock."

Right, that was it. He tapped his wrist communicator and instantly whined – he really hadn't been going for whining, that was just how it happened to come out sounding.

"John…"

"John is currently attending a charity-"

"I know where he is!" He put his head back into his hands. This day really was just getting _worse_ , no matter how much he thought it wasn't possible. Clearly the universe didn't like him up here. Alan seemed to have settled into quite happily looking around. He wondered if he should do the same, considering he had no idea what any of this stuff was or did.

"Um… EOS, can you display the status on emergencies again please?"

"It hasn't changed since you asked five minutes ago."

Had it really only been five minutes? _Oh damn…_ He was completely, and utterly, doomed.

* * *

"John… John… JOHN! I swear if you answer I'll never call you Mr Party again." Silence. Nothing. Nada. He was tempted to try getting down onto his knees. "Please! I'll say Thunderbird Five is better than Thunderbird Four!"

He saw Alan's head shoot up, because yes, that was a big statement, but if John answered he would actually go through with it. He'd imagined John would answer at the first beat of sound considering he be acting or awkward and unsocial and unhappy and insecure and most likely bored… He was draped over the chair, Alan having made himself quite comfortable laying on the gravity ring to look down at Earth.

Quite simply though, he'd been here almost an hour now and he was hungry. EOS was being thoroughly uncooperative _again,_ and he wouldn't be surprised if she did refuse to "let him leave" or "open the air lock on him if he moved from his chair", both of which he'd been threatened with.

He didn't want to have it proven that she could take control of Thunderbird Four's systems, so he'd promptly ended his last call to John – that had been five minutes ago – after very stupidly insulting the red-head for not answering.

He'd sworn that he had to watch his language now. He didn't want to dare go down that route again. Who knew what their super smart brother's super smart AI was capable of? He was happy to let John work all that out in their spare time. He didn't want to know, he just wanted to be _back. On. Earth._

He ended the call and groaned. After all, it wasn't getting him anywhere.

* * *

"EOS…"

"Yes, Goldfish?"

"Gordon."

"Oh… John calls you Goldfish."

Right, they'd be having words about John disclosing his childhood nickname to _this_ crazy AI. Heck, he was sure she was crazier than Alan and _that_ spoke volumes.

"I'm hungry."

"Tough."

"John… your AI won't feed me."

"I'm not your parent, Goldie." He bit his lip, shutting his eyes firmly to avoid putting a nice dent in John's bird. He wouldn't _live_ that down. He gave up on trying to get through to John who clearly didn't care that _he_ was _starving_ and instead readdressed the AI.

"Can't you fix the systems?"

"No." He was really going beyond boiling point now _and_ he was starving.

"Can you tell _me_ how to fix them then?"

"I think it will go over your head. After all, goldfish only have a retention memory of seven seconds." He didn't know how she knew that, didn't want to and he definitely didn't want to hear Alan _laugh._

It was the first thing the younger blonde did.

* * *

He tapped his foot. He was _soooooo_ bored. And _sick_ of being called Goldfish.

"EOS, please."

"I can't do anything to save you from hunger. I'm not International Rescue."

"No, you're International R-" EOS's light flashed red and Alan gasped, and he panicked, "Radiance."

"Why, thank you."

He rolled his eyes and tapped his wrist communicator again. An hour with no food was ridiculous.

"John…" _Please answer me._

"Gordon, he's busy. You never know, he might even be enjoying himself. Man up."

 _Huh… so now even Alan was moving to the Dark Side… So much for the bond of brothers._

Still, Alan had a point – though he doubted John was 'enjoying himself', as such. Even so, if he couldn't get a hold of his elder brother, he'd just have to show some back bone and deal with this himself, because he was smart and capable. EOS was just a program and he was human. Besides, Dad had always said the human brain was best. So… what did he need to say?

"Ok, well…" He took a moment to try and bring out his most threatening tone, the one he used for all his pranks which always got to Virgil in seconds. "Come on now, what was it John said about increased processors?"

He saw Alan's hand fly to his head, but didn't really understand why. At least, until EOS's lights turned green and she answered for his younger brother.

"Yes, that's a very nice plan I believe."

 _Did I not sound threatening just then?_

He looked down to Alan in complete shock as to what he'd done wrong, "What? What did I say?"

All the youngest could do was roll onto his back.

And start blinking laughing.

 _Again._

* * *

He gritted his teeth.

He was long suffering, but this was just too much. He'd already tried to call John another five times, he even tried singing 'Starman' the last time, much to Alan and EOS' complete delight. It was a _very_ bad move in hindsight and if EOS or Alan ever breathed a word of it to John – who he really hoped hadn't been listening in and just refusing to pick up all this time (he would flip if John had gone 'in on this' with his AI, because seriously, everyone couldn't join the dark side) – he would destroy them both.

Just… on the ground. _Not_ in space. He didn't have "space legs" as EOS had put it.

To which Alan had piped up too, "Yeah, hey, Starman, when are you going back to being Seaman?"

" _Shut up_ , Alan."

He wished for Thunderbird Four so much right now. Let's see who'd be laughing then.

* * *

He'd stopped checking the time. It just made his stomach grumble.

He'd asked very nicely if he could get some cheese puffs or celery crunch bars from Thunderbird Three – Alan instantly looked quite offended that he'd managed to sneak those on without him seeing: he was good! (Even if he said so himself) – but EOS had very firmly insisted.

"No food with a c in the word is allowed on board."

He didn't know it that was John's rule, hers, or just her being _whatever she was being,_ but he had seriously gone beyond the point of daring.

If looks could kill, EOS would have killed him more times than he'd tried to call John.

If he couldn't have food, he at least needed something to stimulate his highly intelligent brain. He wondered briefly if EOS could mind read and decided to never entertain the possibility ever again. She'd definitely kill him if she could and had been.

Anyway…

"Can I check the reports this time?"

"No need. _I_ have checked them."

He sighed. Usually he'd love having nothing to do, but he was still _bored_ out of his mind. "Well, is there _something_ to do?"

"You could clean the gravity ring."

He no longer knew if she was serious, or if he was foolish if he ignored her.

* * *

He was trying to think of a prank you could play on an AI who seemed to know everything.

He was stumped within five minutes.

"Do you tap dance?"

"Sorry?"

"What?" Even Alan sounded confused now, and definitely board as he sat against the side of the ring in despair. He'd recently fallen asleep, but woken up after a while when EOS decided turning the gravity ring was worthwhile – all because he put a foot out of his chair. He made sure to keep his feet well clear of touching it ever again.

"Well it would go with your 'Starman' routine." Someone save him… Please, anyone. A monkey in a space suit would do. Even if it wore a Fischler industries logo. "You are tapping your fingers."

So he was. He was thinking. That was just the sort of thing an evil pranking genius did. Not that he was going to say that. He was thinking of what to say actually when EOS beat him to it.

"Or are you turning into an evil mastermind?"

"Says the evil AI."

"Once again, that is an insult to my programmer." He was sure Alan's face became as white as EOS' unit and he tried not to let on to the multiple sallows he suddenly felt he needed.

"Well…" If he was truly smart, he'd have backtracked at this point, "Is it really insulting John when you've developed a mind of your own?"

He wondered if EOS was frowning. He couldn't read anything about her. Alan still looked about ready to start biting his nails though.

"Says the one with _no_ mind."

Alan shook his head and screwed his eyes shut tight.

"You'll mind your own in a minute."

"I mind John _all_ the time." Oh, so John counted. _Uh…_ He suddenly realised that was probably _bad._ Scrap that, _Terrible._ Yes, with the capital T. "I do not, however, have to mind you should we experience a marked change in pressure or sudden air lock failure."

Alan actually squeaked, and it took all the self-control he had to try and smile it off as nothing and certainly _not scary._

* * *

So, now the Gravity was 'broken' too, because he was floating – and not his choice of floating. Alan seemed to adapt very quickly to not needing to use his legs though, but it was clear he was beyond irrigated with the AI now too, just being incredibly careful as to _what_ he said. Which really, he probably should have done all along.

"Gravity?"

"Sorry, still offline. If _John_ were here," Yes, he was well aware that John was top-dog, perfect, the best of the Tracy bunch, invincible, incredible, infallible, etcetera, etcetera, "I'm sure he could get them working."

He wasn't sure whether she was deliberately trying to get him to waste his energy in attempting to call John again or not, but he wanted to try. After all, _twenty-second_ time lucky and all that.

So here we go…

"John, your AI's being evil _again_." Nothing. Absolutely nothing. _Arg!_ He could murder John for not answering, he could murder EOS for making him continually feel the _need_ to call his brother, and – had Alan not recently deflected back to his side – he could have murdered the youngest too.

"EOS!" Alan groaned, and that made him slightly happy. They both were fed up with this now. He was about to add something of his own when the AI declared;

"It's not me this time!"

His instant response was cut off and he frowned deeply as he thought about that sentence. What the… " _This time_?"

Only then did the AI seem to realise her mistake. Still, he thought, _too late!_

"I mean..."

I mean, he should really have seen that sooner.

 _Damn, who talk EOS to trick like this?_ Because he knew John was rubbish at it, and it definitely wasn't him.

He'd have to repay the favour… But not in space. This was where she ruled.

 _Oh, wait till you next come back to Earth with John._


End file.
